Difficult to Speak the Truth
One of my favorite movie lines ever was from a movie with Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson. I think the movie was called “A few good men”.
They were in a courtroom and Tom yelled out: “I want the Truth”, and Nicholson replied with “You can’t handle the truth”. The reason I loved that line so much is because that’s how I feel in this world. People can’t handle hearing the truth about stuff unless it’s the truth that they want to hear. It’s unbelievable.
If someone says, “I want your honest opinion, do you think I am pretty?” and your honest opinion is “Actually no, you are one of the ugliest people I’ve seen in my life”, you can’t say that even if they beg you for the truth. Actually, I can kind of understand that one. People have feelings and that would be hard to hear. But in the business world, where people should be less sensitive, they are not. It is so fake.
Add and I were at a conference yesterday in Shanghai. We went there with a company we are consulting for. They are small and super cool. Anyway, the topic was about the internet and social media (Facebook, Twitter) etc. (We have a hilarious podcast coming out next about the real story there). We’ve been sharing more of our “real opinions” in the VIP room because it’s a private place where we don’t have to be shy. We can be free and say whatever we want in there without having to worry too much about weird comments.
Anyway, the conference sucked (The lunch was not bad at least). The speaker was from a large multinational PR company. He was basically saying a bunch of obvious things about the internet and making everyone believe that “viral marketing” is easy if you go through his company. It was a joke, but most of the audience actually thought it was pretty good. Many of the people there were from other large companies that had nothing to do with the internet. They “bought into” his long and stupid presentation and I’m guessing his company will get a lot of business from that.
There was a question and answer period at the end of the conference. Anyone could ask the speaker anything. I started getting nervous and my heart was racing. I wanted to say my honest opinions. I wanted everyone in the room to know they were being tricked.
There were probably about 150 people in the room. About 95% were wearing suits. I was wearing jeans, a golf shirt, and a pair of sunglasses to give you an idea of what was going on.
Everyone was polite, in a fake way, and it was so annoying. I get this feeling every time I’m in one of these situations. Time moves slowly. I hate it. I have so much to say but I end up saying nothing. I feel like I’m cheating the world or something. Even if people don’t agree with my opinion, I somehow feel it’s evil if I don’t at least share my true feelings.
One thing I hate about business is that so many businesses just try to sell their stuff to everyone. There is just so much lying involved. The truth is that most people should NOT buy most products. When I look around at the English learning market for example, I see a lot of businesses just trying to sell rather than teach. Of course they teach something, but they don’t care if a student pays $2000 USD at the beginning of a course and either learns nothing or doesn’t go to class. Actually, them paying and not going to class is the best situation for the school. They just get free money and can get another paying student to fill the classroom. It’s sick.
It’s really funny when it’s B2B (Business to Business sales). Huge companies pay so much money for the weirdest things. A friend of mine who works for a major market research company says that many of their business clients pay over 10 million USD every year for their market research. It doesn’t mean it’s a bad product, but he told me that they will sell it to any major company who wants it.
His job is to wear a suit and make the research sound a lot better than it is. A lot of the business is about creating an image that you think the other person will like to hear. It should be about making great products and services but it’s just not like that in the “real world”. Small companies can be different. It really depends on who is running them. Huge companies need to make sure they are making money for their investors though. They don’t care where the money is coming from. They just want more of it.
Of course we are “free” to say whatever we want, but the reality is that people don’t. Anyone else who felt the same way I did just kept silent. We knew that if we said what we wanted to then we would look like terrible people.
The honest question in my mind was, “Do you know that you are selling services to many companies who don’t need them or do you actually believe every word you are saying?” I really wanted to know but I couldn’t ask.
I’d love to hear your comments on this and about my last blog about a cool kind of high def video camera sunglasses.
May 19th, 2011 at 1:26 pm
It is pretty awesome blog , but as we know not always business is about a truth or real things.
May 19th, 2011 at 2:05 pm
Yes, it is natural that the main goal of almost any business is making profit, but, unfortunately, many, especially large companies, strive for profits, not paying attention to anything and regardless of everythig. Not only on the Internet, but also in other areas. But most of us do want everything to be honest. Russian merchants in the old times said, “The profit is the most important, but the honor is above the profit.” I’d like honesty in everything. Some of my acquaintances may say, “But our life is a game, so we have to play it.” But games can also be honest.
Some might say, ‘How we can be honest if we are deceived at every turn.’ There is such a saying in Russian – ‘to live with wolves you need to howl like a wolf’(I don’t know the English equivalent, unfortunately). Moreover, you wrote that most people were impressed by the presentation of that man. Many years ago, Pushkin wrote, ‘Ah, it’s not hard to deceive me, I’m glad to deceive myself’. Nowadays, we deceive ourselves not because we love it, but because it’s quite difficult to make a decision – there is so much information, we should know a lot of things to make the right decision, but it’s not easy, and we choose the easiest way.
And to know what is right and what is wrong, somebody must be honest and tell the truth. But sometimes, unfortunately, people are not ready to hear it… Anyway, I think, if telling the truth makes you feel better, you can do that
.
May 19th, 2011 at 4:09 pm
Thanks Andy an’ addison for bringing up the subject and thank you Alice for giving your honest opinion. I bet you’ve spent hours on this. You are an honour to the porfession and people of virtue who had the courage to voice their thoughts.
We have a voice to use and a choice to choose. So, today I’m gonna stand not walk away )) Don’t just watch it happen!
May 19th, 2011 at 4:10 pm
Wait a minute, I think I’ve made a mistake by your names. Andy and Andrew was it -P
May 19th, 2011 at 4:34 pm
‘difficult to tell the truth”, i couldn’t agree more on ur opinion, ppl nowadays r so keen on listening to only good stuff,even they r fake ones.u can’t tell the truth even to ur friends…
May 19th, 2011 at 7:43 pm
Hello Guys!
Great post, as usual. It’s sad but true! Companies around the world only think about profit. The common question is: Are you making money? No matter how you’re going to do it. Just do it! The capitalism world is like that.
Changing the point of view. I know that it’s a very serious issue, but I could not control myself and started to laugh while i was readind the post. The situation that made The Canadian Brothers really annoyed was hilarious. The way they wrote was, at least for me, extremelly funny.
Keep doing the great job.
Roberto
May 20th, 2011 at 7:02 am
Thanks for the thoughts guys,
I’m glad people are finding this kind of stuff pretty funny too. I guess there are 2 types of people, the ones who think the big business world is normal, and the other group, like us, who can see all the fake stuff going on. It’s hilarious.
May 20th, 2011 at 7:58 am
Faramarz, I’m not so young to spend hours on some things that people of my age should know
.
May 20th, 2011 at 8:40 am
Why we make it difficult on us, we can tell the truth but in gentle way.
May 20th, 2011 at 9:50 am
Thanks for your posts. If I can say a little only , it doesn’t matter, I enjoy your blogs. By the way, i’m just wondering, you write one , is it impossible that you’ll be able to explain some phrases?
My best regards for you
May 20th, 2011 at 11:32 am
I have a Master Degree in an area of business called Supply Chain Management. I was hired by one of the medium companies in my country. My main job was to meet what was supposed to be an American expert this field. However, I was amazed ! It was clear to me that he has so little to introduce in comparison with what he charges. He was not approved (thanks for God) but he got another contract with another company. Now I am in charge of doing what he promised to do. However, it is clear that I will find it difficult to get all the required support. Being American really makes things different.
May 20th, 2011 at 11:38 am
Hi everyone,
I totally agree that most huge companies sell things we don’t need.. especially for those whome visit you in your home or at your work or even send you emails, and after you buy the thing you’ll wonder how you did, you might not use it at all..
I for one suggest that anyone wants to go shopping to prepare a list of things they want to buy, Otherwise they’re going to BANKRUPT SOON..
Thanks,
May 20th, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Hi guy a just read your blog entitled “Difficult tospeak the truth” it kind of made me smile because I’ve been in that kind of situation and feeling the same way, I try to say the truth most of the time, but defenitely it’s very very hard for me to tell the truth to answers some questions and in some times of situations
May 20th, 2011 at 2:22 pm
Hi!
If people would use more often their brain nobody could tell them lies. But people want to hear lies. In every part of their life – business or private. Imagine a world in which everybody would tell the truth! Horrible!
And if a ugly woman/man asks you how she/he looks… do you really want that this person is feeling bad just because you told her the truth? Also if this person isn’t a close friend to you.
It’s a lot of responsibility you have to deal with, when you’re always saying the truth. Just very cruel people are always telling the truth. A prudent person would ponder!
Anyway, nice blog! True or not?
))
May 20th, 2011 at 2:56 pm
As matter of fact there are three groups of people. The first group, are more rational and real , so they believe that a lot of this business are faked and forged. The second group most of them are naive and definitely the majority of them think of it as real and act positively with it . The third group they are some kind of ambiguous they don’t decided yet..
May 20th, 2011 at 3:21 pm
Hi,
Great post! I completely agree. I work in Argentina for a big company with headquartes in France. What you’ve said it is the same thing even inside the companies. I work with many people in France and I can assure everybody is lying all the time about the importance and convenience of their work, but truth is that they invest most of time and effort in making up their “added value”. They worry more in what it seems they do than in what they really do!
Cheers!
Rafael (from Buenos Aires)
May 20th, 2011 at 3:31 pm
I never think there’s any true things in businesses, you know, everyone has to take advantages from the others, so they can keep running in their business successfully; how do they run a business if there’s no advantage? It is always someone cheat on someone, maybe they just hidden some part of the truth sometimes… Who knows!!
May 20th, 2011 at 6:26 pm
I know whats the feeling of a lot of people in a room trying to like each other with costly suits and all that stuff! Recently I went triought a massive job interview for a large international computer company there were a lot of people there I didnt know where to go to do my job interview also like you I was wearing jean t-shirt contrasting with other people that were wearing suits skirt etc… Greeting from Panama center of America!!! I listen to your radio show keep going
May 20th, 2011 at 9:29 pm
Alice, I’m not young enough to know everything ))
May 20th, 2011 at 9:45 pm
Hi everyone!
thanks for posts. It’s realy help to learn english.
I guess that in everyday life we have to be honest between people. Why not? what’s happen if you say truth about her/his new suit or another stuff? you can do it more polite as you can but you have to say your opinion. may be it’s realy important for your friend. I agree you can keep silent about things which person can’t change, like something physical.
In business everybody wants profit. It’s normal. That’s the main goal of economics. But you can make a profit with honest and without lies.
M.D. House said: “everybody lies”)))
May 20th, 2011 at 9:48 pm
Candy that’s not my idea of a win-win situation that whatever we do is in our self-interest! that can’t be true! I’d say things largly pivot on how considerate people are and what kind of person you choose to become ))
and Lexi, just to put in my input, I like to live in a world that everyone’s honest and I don’t consider calling my grandmother beautiful a lie, even though I don’t like the lines on her face, that’s just being kind and helping each other with a load of emotion we have to go through! and my grandmother already knows that! there is a thin line between being good-natured and being slimy! Personally I don’t like hearing compliments about my work if you think it sucks! but I’d appreciate when somebody sees the good things in my abysmal work and remind of my good qualities. It’s good to get recognition from others and get the impression that others care. that pushes me to become better ))
May 20th, 2011 at 10:05 pm
Mania, you should be yourself despite all the wrongs and being in the company of good friends on china 232 helps. That drags me back from being bad. China 232, I wanna show you who I am! Can you help me be the man??
May 21st, 2011 at 2:22 am
I think if everyone said the truth about everything to everybody, everything would be a complete chaos…
Sometimes we have to be carefull because not everyone’s gonna be willing to accept any opinion so easily, and let’s face it: people believe what they wanna believe, even if you showed them the truth in the face they’d probably still believe in that, that happens because we people don’t like to show or face when we’re wrong… We don’t like to lose if someone tells us “You’re wrong”..,
I don’t buy in a 100% the fact that Because of mean companies we get tricked and all is their fault… if someone tries to sell us something, it’s in us wheter we want it or not. It’s always our choice.
Truth is not always welcome, sometimes it hurts and botters.
That’s why when we start learning English and they teach us how to respond when they ask us: How are you? … We’re tought to say: I’m Fine, thank you! but they never teach us to say: I’m not fine today, actualy I feel like a $%&”&^*!!
Besides, Companies selling stupid things makes this world more interesting and funny.
Greetings!!
May 21st, 2011 at 3:38 am
ido not know but to find someone is really honest it means alot me beasuse we are not perfect we are humans not angles making mistakes and we want some one to say that we are wrong in my country we have proverb that says “itis better fot you to find someone who make you cry and let the other people cry with you than somone who make me laugh and make the people laugh onme ” thanks for your blog
May 21st, 2011 at 5:02 am
People are not interested in hearing our ideas. They haven’t asked your opinion and It’s not our job to walk around and supply others with our thoughts…
May 21st, 2011 at 9:51 am
Thanks Dear Andy and Andrew for it,I really enjoy reading your blog.
Making profit is the only fact in real world! If it wasn’t ,we didn’t have these many courses in marketing and so much demand for them .I have just finished my MBA and I can tell you that all you learn is how to find a way to sell more. I think we are in a false loop that we can’t exit.
May 21st, 2011 at 7:13 pm
Thanks for this interesting topic,
In business world, If you do not wear suit ,do not put some hilarious jokes through your presentation,No one will be interest in what you are saying.But the most important thing you have to be confident in what you are saying because it might be one day that you will find the person who will say his opinion on honest way.
May 21st, 2011 at 11:26 pm
World is all about making money
May 22nd, 2011 at 6:02 am
Jack: You weep for Santiago and curse the Marines! You have that luxury, you have that luxury of not knowing what I know.. But Santiago is dead and it’s tragic but probably saved lives..and my existence by grotesc or uncomprehensive it is to you, saves lives…………..
Either way I don’t give a damm what you think that you’re in tittled to!!
Tom: Did you order the code red?
Jack: I did the job….
Tom: Did you order the code red!!!
Jack: Yes goddamm right I did!
May 22nd, 2011 at 3:37 pm
What are you talking about LOL
May 22nd, 2011 at 4:19 pm
i am not sure about myself if i’m intrested in making more and more money.But i just know telling the truth sometimes is really difficult for me…
May 23rd, 2011 at 6:27 am
Trust me, noone dislikes having a surplus of financial backup… but the question is where does the money come from??
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May 23rd, 2011 at 11:17 am
First of all, i want to say that you guys are really fantastic. I love both of you. I think that the thing you try to do is not just teaching conversational (real) Englsh. But you also try to teach about life in a good way, of course. Every time i read your blogs, i learn something and that makes me feel really great. But if you ask me, i wanted you guys to tell your honest opinion at that conference. Because people need the truth. Not always maybe but most of the time they do. Well, in this situation like yours, i, myself, always try to tell my honest opinion and show that they are kidding people. Because if we don’t do something, if others don’t do something, then who is gonna do something to fix wrong thougths. Well, i don’t care if people think i am weird or bad because i tell my honest opinion.. Maybe this is because i am libra, i don’t know but whenever i think that there is something which is not fair, i try to do something and i hate it when people are kidded by others and they can’t see it. Anyway.. Again i want to say that you guys are really great and thank you very much for everything.
May 23rd, 2011 at 1:29 pm
Hi everone,
I m really thinking the same way with you Andy. I just want you to know this you had to say them what was your real idea. The reason that these kind of conpanies and their employeer aspecially executive employeer really cheating on the world everytime and they are doing this just for their companies.Somebody has to say that the are liar. They are absolutely cruel people because they dont care about other people and their ideas and its not important how to live these people what they are doing for a living. They dont care about rest of the world. Long story short,there is no problem chating people as long as they earn money from them. I really want to see speaker’s face if you ask him your questions.
Sedat,
From Turkey
May 23rd, 2011 at 3:50 pm
[...] to hear your thoughts as always. If you didn’t already check it out, also take a look at my last blog Learning and Improving English Like this on [...]
May 27th, 2011 at 2:55 pm
Thanks, Andrew, for another good problem to discuss. Your story actually remind me about myself and all of those situations I was in, due to my innate perfectionism, idealism and love to truth. I know that to tell the truth is not simple, indeed, it’s often pretty difficult. I know plenty of people who is indifferent and who can live in the world full of lie and dirt without any problem. They feel comfortable with that. May be it’s right position and people shouldn’t be so idealistic in so imperfect world. May be…
But I’m completely another story. When I see that someone lies or something bad and not right is happening, something starts to bother me inside, I can’t do anything else but thinking about that. It’s terrible feeling, your heart is ready to burst. And you look at people around you and see that they are absolutely calm and they are good with that. And you can’t understand how they can tolerate this injustice.
This my trait more hindered than helped me in my life. Actually I was forced to change the schools in the last grade because I wrote the truth at the local newspaper and the people didn’t like this truth and they started to blame me. I was 16 and it was a big lesson for me- People don’t always want to know the truth. Since then I sometimes think several times before telling the truth. But this my damn heightened sense of justice more often wins.
And concerning your topic, maybe that’s how most of the businesses works. Maybe it’s just an alliance of two parties one of which deceives the another, the another is happy to be deceived…
~Val
May 27th, 2011 at 2:57 pm
Sedef, I’m Libra too
May 28th, 2011 at 3:54 pm
First of all let me thank you for your website and wonderful podcasts!
My strong opinion is that almost no one is ready to hear all truth about every aspect of live. Unless he or she is saint or extremely wise. It concerns every field of live.
For example what we all need are some food, some roof, some vitamins, smth to do in life))you know, Maslow ‘s hierarchy of needs. That’s not so much, BUT there is a variety of choices.”Roof” can be a small tent or a castle))”Food” can be bread or rice with water or some crazy expensive Almas Caviar – $25,000 per 100 gram.))”Job” can be cleaning or being a president. That’s why people as well as companies can sell anything for any price they just should explain to their customers why their product is necessary.
Actually it’s not even important if they themselves believe in the “value” of the product. It’s really just a game (or play).
I have another example. I’m subscribed to motivational subscription about business and earning money. The author is rather “rude” and he tells the truth – many people are just lazy or fool or both. Lazy to think for ourselves, lazy to learn, lazy (or afraid) to change or to do anything, lazy (or afraid) to make decisions, lazy TO SEARCH FOR new things and OPPORTUNITIES. That’s the truth – who really wants to know it and is ready to accept it willingly? Or may be I am wrong?
By the way, you had a couple of humoruos useful and insightful podcasts about selling products. They were about some anti-age cosmetics and TV-channel. You were rather ironic about these “businesses” and the clients. Now you have found out that with B2B it’s just the same game only on the next level)) Do you agree?
I guess we often expect that “serious guys” in suits who run big businesses should do really only “serious and useful things” and when we learn that’s not going this way we feel frustrated and somehow deceived.
But as soon as you are smart, critical and have influence on your audience so, next time when you analise such situations and make your own conclusions, SHARE IT WITH US, PLEASE, because your opinion is important for your listeners!
By the way, how do you find my english? I’d love to use some of your expressions and idioms but I’m not so good at it, unfortunately.
June 1st, 2011 at 5:04 pm
Hi guys!
I really enjoyed this story!
As for me I prefer to tell the truth. But it depends on person I talk to. I have a friend of mine and she also prefers the truth. She never lies no matter who she is talking with, what subject, etc. And i’ m very proud of her and her courage. So she expect me to tell her the truth too. And I do. But unfortunately there are a lot of ppl that can’t stand the truth. They love lies. And they can deal with you only if you meet this requirement, otherwise they think you are very rude. And sometimes we should be kind to such ppl, if they want to hear a lie I don’t think it would be hard for you to make them a little bit happier
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Hi
hope you’re well,
I really appreciate your way of teaching English, just wanted to know a little about the writing help in VIP section?
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