Be Yourself. Is This Good Advice?
I’m pretty excited for today’s blog. I love the topic. I’m even more excited to read your comments! I really want to let you guys know that even if you don’t realize it, it’s your comments that make me continue writing this blog. Trust me, I read them all and I think about them all. They make a big difference.
Ok….. Today’s topic is about “being yourself”. This phrase is used all the time in spoken English. It’s supposed to be good advice.
In most western countries (maybe other countries too), if you ask you parents for advice on how to act when you are on your first date, most of them will just tell you to “be yourself”. Everyone seems to agree with this idea of “being yourself”, but I honestly wonder if they are even thinking about it AT ALL when they give this kind of advice. I often think people just say things without really thinking about what they are saying. It drives me insane!
What does “be yourself” mean anyway? Basically it just means “don’t be fake” and “do and act the way that you feel is natural to you”.
Well, that sounds great, but what if the “real you” doesn’t work? What if people don’t like “the real you”? What if they are offended by your jokes or your personality? Should you change? or should you just keep “being yourself” and seeing what happens?
I’ve thought about this question a lot actually. I’ve thought about it for my entire life. Sometimes I even think about it when I make lessons for this website. I don’t want to offend or upset other people, but I still want to be my REAL self.
The reason this question is so important to me is because “the real me” doesn’t always work; not even close! Bosses and teachers often HATE the real me. They get embarrassed by my sense of humour, etc. (The truth is that I don’t like them either, but that’s another story)…..
After thinking about this question for years and years, I think I believe that I should try really hard to be myself. It’s too important. The truth is that I might miss out on certain opportunities because I’m not always obsessed with doing what society thinks is normal, but if I am not myself, I will end up feeling completely sick. And who wants to feel sick? That’s horrible.
The truth is that I never want to offend anyone. It’s never my goal. It’s also true that I don’t always have the same opinions as other people. We are all different to some extent.
So what should I do? Do I have to keep all my thoughts and opinions inside? Should I be afraid of accidentally offending someone who is overly sensitive in my opinion? I hope not…
It’s kind of a weird feeling when you make podcasts and videos. Trust me, I totally know 100% that I’m not some super famous person. But, over the years, millions of people have downloaded our podcasts and/or watched our videos. (It’s a lot more of the podcasts but the videos on learnenglish232.com will catch up fast). The point is that Add and I have seen tons of comments about our work. We know that we have fans, but we also know that thousands of people probably listen to 30 seconds of one podcast or watch a few seconds of one video and think “I hate these guys”, “This is boring”, “This sucks”, or WORSE. It’s only natural that this happens, it’s just a weird feeling when you experience it personally.
At the end of the day, I think Add and I have to keep on being ourselves and just being happy with it, no matter what happens. We certainly have to try to keep getting better and to be the absolute best we can, but we need to just be careful not to “change” anything about our fundamental “core” beliefs. We want to make the best stuff in the world for our REAL fans, and just forget about anyone who doesn’t really understand the whole point of the 232. Let’s face it, some people don’t get it.
Large companies have no personality because they are too worried about trying to make everyone happy. That’s not really our job. That seems too boring. I was talking to another popular online teacher about this the other day. He told me he has decided not to share his real thoughts and feelings with the world because he doesn’t want to “get into politics” or have to deal with all the emails from people he offends.
I totally understand his perspective, but Add and I have a different opinion on this. We want you guys to know the real us. We think it will make for much better lessons, and a much more interesting environment for real discussion and real English learning.
What do you guys think? Should we keep being ourselves? Should we worry about accidentally offending people with some of our jokes? Should we be even MORE like the real us?
We’d love to know your thoughts on this. One thing Add and I both love is brutal honesty; you know, the real truth. If you totally agree, please say so and why. If you totally disagree and think something we say or do is retarded or ridiculous, please say that too. Not just with this blog, but always. No matter what the feedback is, we love hearing the real truth. It makes everyone better and it makes the world more interesting.
Also, what about this question in YOUR own life? Are you your real self all the time? When, if ever, do you think it’s useful to be “fake”?
I hope this blog made sense, and I hope you found it at least somewhat interesting.
Ok………. I’m waiting for those comments guys! And girls 
Oh ya… If you have ANY blog topic requests or video lesson requests, please write them in the comments and I’ll do my best to make that asap!
Andy
April 25th, 2013 at 10:59 am
just continue being yourself. and continue to inspire us.thanks for sharing.. ♥♥♥
April 25th, 2013 at 11:15 am
Hello Andy. This topic touched my heart in a very special way.After reading what you wrote I shouted out because I am a very emotional person. I am like you ,the same questions I’ve asked myself. I want to say that I’ve always been myself and I also know that many
people does not like me because I stand up for myself. But it is not my fault. People do not like someone who standout, which are remarkable. I want to tell you to be who you are ! If someone like you and love, it will love you for what you are. I hate people who pretend and act falsely.
Andy humans are not equally smart. You cannot make everyone happy and rich. Think about it. So live your life so that you’re happy!
April 25th, 2013 at 12:47 pm
Well, Andy, another great and controversial topic. =)I’ve been thinking about the problem of being myself all the time and understand you like no one else.
The problem is…. that I just can’t keep silent, can’t keep silent… when I disagree with someone, when injustice is perpetrated, when someone lies, when I hate something. And because of my straightforwardness I sometimes get in trouble and am seen as a culprit of happening. It’s crazy. I mean, some people can be so vile, a couple of minutes ago they was totally agree with you, had the same opinion, and when you say out this view or complain, say, to the boss, no one say anything and no one support you, they can even blame you, and it looks like it’s only your opinion and you feel like a scapegoat in this situation. I hate this double-dealing in people. But even more I can’t understand how people can keep their true thoughts and opinions inside themselves and say only what is beneficial in the particular situation. It’s like a deal with a conscience. How don’t they go crazy? Imagine, how it is- to have what say something but don’t say this, EVERY DAY.
There are so many such people around me.
Yes, there are a lot of cons in being myself and being straightforward, but I don’t want to change.
So, I’m FOR being yourself. You should be yourself and show us real you. Because real people with all their pluses and minuses are always more interesting. They are alive unlike these robots without their own traits and opinions.
P. S. And, by the way, is anyone act naturally on the first date? =) Come on, that’s another lame advice which no one follows. Because if they are really interested in another person they always want to look better, more interesting, more intelligent and more sophisticated. So, they often act strangely and look more stupid, because of all this nervousness and ceaseless thoughts about what another person think about them. That’s the case when our rule of being yourself simply doesn’t work.
April 25th, 2013 at 12:55 pm
I have just reread my reply and found some mistakes. Sorry for them, I was in a hurry.
April 25th, 2013 at 12:58 pm
Thanks guys! Keep the comments rolling! These are some of the most awesome and inspiring comments yet. Seriously! I’m also more inspired to not only make more blogs and lessons, but to be a more real version of myself. I’m not fake at all with you guys, but there is probably an extra 10-15% I could add that would be more natural. Thanks for reading and sharing. Keep the comments coming guys. It’s amazing to see what you guys think and make this community come alive! Have an amazing day (or night) depending on where you are in the world right now.
Andy
April 25th, 2013 at 2:08 pm
Hey guys! very interesting topic! i am sure everyone can think about it for several hours. I think we have all dealt with people who PRETEND they are being themselves, but we have figured out it is fake. it really drives me up the wall when I confront individuals who speak out of both sides of their mouth. I can’t abide this type of people. I always try to be myself because i strongly believe that this is the only way I can enjoy my life. If you try to be a people-pleaser all the time, you’ll lose your real personality and character, you’ll become someone else and this sucks! I am not saying that changing is a bad stuff, I just say we should not change ourselves just to make others happy or satisfied. Honestly, I think if there is no change, there is no progress! every body has definitely some deficiencies and weaknesses and it would be wise to identify them and improve them, not for others, but for our own good. we live in a fascinating and changing world and if want to keep up with it, we need to improve ourselves by learning new things, otherwise we’ll fall behind. this is the real change. above and beyond this, we should not be defensive against constructive criticisms. when someone criticizes us, the prudent thing would be thinking over it. if we find it appropriate, accepting it and changing ourselves could be beneficiary for ourselves and we do it for improving our lives, not to make others happy. it doesn’t conflict with BEING OURSELVES!
overall, I think you’d better be yourself instead of changing yourselves to attract more listeners. in this way, you’ll have less but LOYAL followers who appreciate your honesty
and trust you.
April 25th, 2013 at 2:11 pm
Hi guys,
I find your natural sense of humor is great and there’s no way you should think of
changing it. Just keep being yourselves as there’s the quality that makes other potential
listeners realize how worth the podcast is worth listening to.
As to being ourselves in workplace settings, it really depends. Perhaps, we may act the real us while we’ve got no burden on our shoulder. We can say whatever we wanna say and take our stance firm for what we believe it’s right. But some day when we have a family to support, that’s another story.
Maybe we have to be more flexible than before, cuz we must think twice for the family before we act something that might make us lose our job. That’s just one of the examples. A lot of time, We might feel guilty for what we’ve done but we’re actually forced to do it. That’s the game of the society. If we sometimes feel ourselves that way, so do other people. I assume. We will not able to find out the actual reason for why people are doing something sick if we choose to hate these people without trying to discover something subtle about these people in the first place. As we are understanding intelligent people, we should analyse the situation they are being in before declaring they are evils. They deserve us giving them the second chance. Besides, I think everyone is born with good quality in the inside.
Anyways, being ourselves in terms of making podcast, being in workplace or being any situations are completely different. The 232 brand stands out in the Internet because you guys are SPECIAL and young dare devils(expressions in the old podcast, thank you), and you are obviously keeping doing it. That’s pretty much it and hope you guys would feel good about my compliments.
Don’t stop improving the 232s, I am sure the listeners are having very high expectations on you.
April 25th, 2013 at 2:14 pm
Hi, That’s very interesting topic! I’ve been thinking about it myself, especially when I happened to bother someone by my real myself. even though I didn’t want to and as u said I though life is more interesting by telling the truth, I usually say my real honest opinion on everything and that offends people even my close friends some times. i think I should work on myself to change some of my bad behaviors that offend people. or try no to say or show my whole real opinion.It doesn’t mean faking, it’s changing, every body should change their bad habits, right?
sometimes especially when we just meet someone we should shut our mouth and stop saying our whole ideas or don’t judge them quickly, because we should give people time to know our real self, and some behaviors at the beginning may ruin the entire relationships, like dating some one and never have the second date. or maybe we are not right about something even if we think we are, nobody is absolutely right and we may change our opinion over time and by knowing more about people.
about your podcast, if you wanna keep everybody interested, that’s good from business point of view, but if you dont care that much about money, you can be real yourself, and you’ll find more fans along the time for sure, maybe takes longer. I love your real characters by the way and don’t want you to change
I love hearing your honest opinions about different stuff like news and political issues.
Thank you so much
April 25th, 2013 at 3:20 pm
just do what you think is best for you and the business
April 25th, 2013 at 6:05 pm
I think you are sounds like very honest person.
So I think you should continue be your self.
But you know… This question is never going to end.
Because no body’s perfect.
And I think that’s part of life.
It is what it is.
We are not robot.
We have lot’s of character.
That’s why we are here.
Anyway, you rock!
So please don’t change your style.
April 26th, 2013 at 12:38 am
Hi..guys !
nice topic!!
before , to my eyes,
you guys seemed like being off track to do some-quick-money-making-biz.
at that time, i was , as your fan, rather disappointed and thought
you are not like yourself!!
now, you come on your right track again, congraturation!!,
which is your [being like yourself revitalized]
as long as you don’t forget
what you are doing helps others a super lot to be confident to speak english,
don’t care about who talks negatively to your [being yourself, 232-self]
you are very special!!! among a lot of english teaching biz
keep being your self , being 232-self!!
thanks /////////////////////// sung
April 26th, 2013 at 3:08 am
Hi Andy! As you’re used to say – “Reallllly reallly NICE!” )) Of course, being grown up, it’s important to conseal some of your REAL character traits… Especially at work or with people you are not too close to. But…omg…it’s too hard! As for me, I’m a badass girl )) I’m a straight, free-spoken person. And as you’ve precisely noticed – you’ll feel sick after trying to be not yourself and after pretending. It will be eating you then. When i try to seem modest or quiet, I’ll be overfilled with my own enegry and emotions. I know that I shouldn’t make notice about my Boss’ appearance….But i CAN’T!! Can’t hold my tounge
)) and can tell him “Oh By the way… Where’s Your comb??” It’s awful I know… ))
April 26th, 2013 at 4:36 am
I am up for honesty. If you think the truth has to be told, the hard facts have to be mentioned about somebody/something then I think you need to be yourself. As far as cracking jokes are concerned, you must draw a line between what is acceptable and what isn’t and not to be offended in your comments just for the sake of being funny. No laughs at the expense of others. As in my religion Islam. there is a saying along these lines” Words carry more sharpness than a knife can ever do. So think many times before you open your mouth”.
That’s about it.
April 26th, 2013 at 6:09 am
Thanks for all the comments from everyone. I love both the inspiration and the honesty from your comments. Great stuff! I really appreciate your support for me to “be myself” and say what I really think. I’m going to start doing that even more. I hope everyone can be respectful, even if we completely disagree. That’s what being a mature adult is all about. This is all for the purpose of improving your English AND international communication.
I’d like to discuss some of the things ASAD is saying. ASAD, first of all, thanks always for your thoughts. You seem like a smart guy and it’s great to have diversity here. I welcome all opinions. I have a question for you. You said that as far as cracking jokes are concerned, we should basically draw a line between what is acceptable and what isn’t. We shouldn’t offend others just for the sake of being funny.
Here’s my view on that. It sounds nice in theory, but I can’t imagine it working. I think I get your point, but I’d like to dig a bit deeper with this important issue. A lot of the funniest jokes do offend some people. That isn’t the purpose of the joke, but if comedians had to worry about offending other people all the time, it would be almost impossible to have good comedians.
My view is that often, but not always, the problem lies with the people who are offended so easily. Being offended is a choice. Americans make jokes about Canada all the time. A lot of them are jokes that don’t make any sense. Should I, as a Canadian, be upset with them? I don’t. I think it would be absolutely pathetic of me if I decided to be offended. My belief is people should be even freer to express their opinions, even knowing full well that other people will almost certainly be offended in the process. I can’t imagine freedom of expression and honest opinions being said without millions of people being offended on many sensitive topics. I fully believe we should be able to be mature enough to have these debates without physical fights and senseless wars.
I don’t know a lot about Islam, and I don’t want to judge the religion. But on it’s own, the idea that “Words carry more sharpness than a knife ever could” is untrue in my opinion. I think I understand the point, and I do agree that words carry a lot of power, but a knife, which represents physical violence is far far worse in my mind. Please let me know if I’m misunderstanding something.
Anyone can say whatever they want to me. It might hurt my feelings, it might not. I should be mature enough to handle it. But if anyone tries to hurt me with a knife, we have a major problem. I don’t have a choice to ignore the knife. Someone could literally kill me with a knife, but they can’t do any such thing with words.
In case anyone was wondering, I am not religious. It’s a decision I’ve made personally. I do respect people’s right to believe in a specific religion though if they want to.
I believe that if their really is a god, He wouldn’t think that humans should believe in one religion over another based on a book that was written thousands of years ago. He would want us to all be kind and thoughtful people though. I think He would be disgusted to see all of the wars going on right now and say to everyone. “I think humans are missing the point” I could be wrong, but that’s what I think. Thanks as always for sharing.
April 26th, 2013 at 2:34 pm
hi you should believe that bitter sharp caustic words sometimes worse than knife because the wound made by knife can be cured but wound of mouth is everlasting last untill death time or even after death and islam is true and honest religion and its book is real and so useful for everyone your method of teaching is very amusing and effective for learning . your teaching style is so practical alive no boring i like it i really say god bless you be successful keep moving forward.
April 26th, 2013 at 3:57 pm
Hi Arasn,
Thanks for your comments. I really appreciate what you wrote. It’s great to hear that you love the style of these lessons. It’s great to know we are helping people.
Back to the topic of the knife. I think it can depend. A knife can kill people and not all knife wounds do heal. If you stab someone in the eye, they will never get their vision back. Of course some small knife wounds will heal. Also, I believe that in the modern world, any pain from sharp and potentially negative words can actually heal as well. If someone tells me they hate me and they hate my lessons, I might feel upset for a while, but it will certainly heal. It won’t bother me until I die. And if someone said something really really horrible, I think people can actually recover from that as well. If the point is simply that words can be surprisingly powerful, then I would agree with that.
Over a billion people throughout the world believe in Islam. It’s absolutely one of the world’s most powerful religions. I hope the people in our world will get better learning to deal with people from different religions, or people with no particular religion at all. For me personally, religion is not important. Being a good person is important. There are many good teachings from most old religions, but I personally prefer to not follow any particular book and just do whatever I believe is the right thing to do. That’s me though. Everyone is different and has different views on this, and that’s fine with me.
Thanks again
Andy
April 26th, 2013 at 4:13 pm
A good topic and a good advice . trust your self and be your self.but the question is how to deal with bad boss who deal with the teachers as servants at their homes
April 26th, 2013 at 5:29 pm
its a great topic Andy and you guys are amazing doing great
as you said Andy sometimes or most of the times the real me doesn’t work at all especially when it comes to girls I have to be another one so I don’t below my chances cause I know I absolutely know if I was the real me things won’t work never and no one wanted this I guess being your self depends on the situation
April 26th, 2013 at 5:58 pm
Please, don’t change!!! You, guys, are awesome! I love your lessons and your sense of humor! It makes your lessons fun, interesting and memorable!
So, be yourself and even more yourself!!!
April 26th, 2013 at 6:40 pm
Good to see that you trying to improve yourself and website, and make more money. Honestly I wish you Add and Andy bee very successful in what you are doing here. Make a lot of money on it.And have fan. Bee yourself!!!.
I’ve seen some time how you trying to involve people to subscribe on a VIP lessons. It’s fan actually, and a little bit annoying time to time. It’s seems wired. And this type of advertisement “**China232 usually doesn’t recommend products”. You know what am I talking about. It’s just advertisement but you try to show it like an advice. At that time you know that ti’s advertisement.
Anyway guys, thats just my point, maybe I don’t really know what am I talking about.
Wish you make more money and just be happy and be yourself.
So now about me.
I don’t think that it’s a good Idea to bee yourself all the time. You know, in our world you often are forced of acting some roles that you don’t really want to act. Even if you don’t want to be offensive to someone. But with some people like your friend, and with girlfriend it’s better to be yourself.
April 26th, 2013 at 7:17 pm
To be yourself it is almost impossible but anywhere people like it. It is difficult to find youself. If you once find it you will be sucsesful all you life
April 26th, 2013 at 7:48 pm
Hi guys. First of all. That’s absolutely true and no doubts that you guys are the best ever and your way of teaching English is awesome. And also I need to say that I’m about two weeks with no Internet (I’m going to get it fixed as soon as it possible) but if I have some access to the Internet then your websites guys and gmail are ones which I’m going to check at first tbh. And also I need to say that you Andy are very good psychologist. And you can stap saying people “thank you for everything” because first of all thats boring already :p and second of all you guys are really good and stop saying this stuff and just make your blog as interesting as before ( about everything all over the world) because the last one is being so sensitive. If somebody new visited your last blog, wouldn’t be interested in it at all! I wouldn’t tbh. The point is great but it seems like women’s blog where she is wondering about things all the time and then being so thankful for nothing really. Which is likeooo…mmm..ggg… it seems kind of strange to me especially from man. Too much of it. And now the question. Is it your real self? Being such polite? Come on. I love your way of thinking and talking and also sense of humor and you should use it in your blog! Definitely. Because that’s the best in youguys! Don’t think too much. I see your real self in podcasts and videos whixh I love! You guys are incredible, incredible powerful and incredible cleaver and talented so don’t think too much , keep your work doing because that’s the best stuff ever and don’t rell us thank you all the time please. .. or the second way is to make psychology232.com. I would be there quite often
or start to write a book because you’re pretty good in it. Seriously.
April 26th, 2013 at 9:52 pm
The question, in my view, is what does to be yourself mean. The fact of the matter is we play differents roles in our lives, father,son, husband, friend, and so on. In what of them we are really being ourselves. I have to admit I am not able to answer, and I am still trying to find out.
April 26th, 2013 at 9:53 pm
Hi Andy, I share your sentiment about “be yourself” .I would only give this advice to a person that i know well that his/her is not a fake or lier.
April 26th, 2013 at 10:14 pm
I have been thinking in this topic and I found out, I was more real when I was younger.
but in this moment I try to do less mistakes and that involve avoid to be a little real.
for example I am walking for the street and I see a beautiful girl my real behavior would be to watch her, but I know this would be impolite for the more of people.
maybe only in some cases this apply.
April 27th, 2013 at 1:53 am
I really get your points and the question you asked about if you really know who you are and what are you doing now. Personally, I ask myself this kind of questions repeatedly in order to purify my thoughts after a busy working day. I love this book which is adopted from a film. The thought-provoking line in this book is that no looking at this word through your head, but through your heart (sorry for my poor expression about such classic principle). I sometimes lost myself during the repeated daily routines, because of the lack of security, we have to be busy as a bee all the time in order to earn enough money to feed ourselves and support the family members. Thus, you lost yourself in the trivals and family chores. I really hope some day I have the encourgagement as the leading role Elizabeth that I could travel around the world along, to enjoy the different kind of the food, appreciate people who have nothing in common with me, challenge myself during hard hiking or even the extreme activities. Just be yourself and be as who you are! I don’t want to live for others’ expection and so forth. Hope we could have more communication on the life lessons which make us think more deeply and fullfill ourselves in the young age. Thanks for your patience to endure many language mistakes during my writing and look forward to getting your response soon! I am a fan of China 232, it accompanied me everynight , thanks for your contribution!
April 27th, 2013 at 5:10 am
Dear Andy and Add,
congratulation
This is the first time I write in your blog. I receive your E-mails time to time and I have been reading your blog for a while and got interested in the topics you are sharing with people. I would give you an A on my curved list.
I think ”being yourself” is the only best way to live, because ”nobody can tell you why are you yourself”.
When we are kids, parents pay attention to us a great deal, because we slowly start to speak, and somehow we fantasize, and it’s great.
But when we go to school, everything changes. The schools train us to be ”another person they like the most”. They train us to be obedient, followers and disciplined. And if you are not, you might get punished and pretty soon you quit to be ”yourself”.
You see, it is not that people don’t want to be themselves, but rather they have forgotten themselves at some point along the way they grow. people live the way they are more comfortable with, in other words, we live with our habits, and habits are transferring from one person to another and from one generation to another. When we are child we raised by our parents, relatives and a bit latter we have to get along with our peers, and pretty soon we get their habits. And sadly enough we keep their habit with ourselves through the rest of or lives.
When people began to think, however, every thing starts to change. And it is true with what you did. You changed your thoughts and then your behavior changed as the consequence of changing your thoughts.
It is a good topic.
cheers,
parviz
April 27th, 2013 at 6:02 am
Hi, I think it’s better every one being yourself! if others like us they stay with us if not they go! it does’nt matter! we live in our way. but it is good we try to improve our personality and be a good, but it is obvious we can’t satisfy all people!
Good luck! I like you guys!
April 27th, 2013 at 7:50 am
Excellent blog as always.
April 27th, 2013 at 8:21 am
Hi,
If you don’t believe in yourself,who will?
It’s a real fact in life but ya sometimes being myself will cause a problem .So ,it’s better to be careful. Me, honestly,not to be myself in some situation but I always believe in myself.If I want to live happy I must tie it to a goal not to people or things.
Thanks
keep being yourself and believe yourself.
April 27th, 2013 at 11:37 am
Hey guys,
What a interesting topic we have today.
I always remember my mom advice ” my son, being your self”. I think it is very good you don’t fake and just being your self. Particularly when you wanna tie a knot (you know what I am talking about). I myself have some sense of humors and I wanna make jokes about anything and some times use some dirt slang in my language about politicians and etc. and this makes my parent angry. They yell at me and say “don’t use that words in front of others particularly my relatives”. So, I most of the time have to be silent in front of the other (not my close friend because I am totally relaxed with them). But some times I know I crossed the line but you know I like pulling sb’s leg. This is my nature!! how can I pretend to be some one else!! How can I act a role!!
April 27th, 2013 at 2:10 pm
Hi,
VeRy Interesting TOPIC
FOR me not matter how I try to be myself, it’s to hard to me WHY
SO I have to be patient and careless when I’m dealing whit her
cuz I’m surrounded with people cant stand the real U R
when I’m in my real-self or I give such a realistic opinion abt any kind of subject people start to yield at me and heat me
SO poeple around me and who I’m living with ALL of them R a pretender and dont act what the real who they R
they R fake, good people in front of U, behind U OMG????
I have a friend sometimes I act with her by my real self BUT sometimes NOT cuz
she dont accept my real opinion and my real though abt any topic and that’s drive me crazy
The bottom line is that being UR self depend on the situation that u deal with it
in this world and this kind of people it’s hard 2 b ur real one
I Believe in myself BUT not fear for some people so what we gonna do?
we have to live our life and move on
AND GUYS B UR self DONT change ur character and give ur thought without any shackle’s
GOD Bless U
April 27th, 2013 at 6:40 pm
Hello guys,
It’s really a very common and interesting topic.
For me, the answer of this question is absolutely to be yourselves. It’s your life, and you don’t have to spend so much time to think about what others think, besides some particular situations.
On both two websites, our intentions are to improve our spoken English, as well as make friends with u two guys. I am really glad finding these great websites, and getting a chance to know you. If you think you are offend during listening to the podcasts, then neglect them, just learn what you want. Since nobody can please everyone, why dont we just be what we are and enjoy our lifes? I love the way what you are, and only this way.
Therefore, go ahead, be real!
Ps: I am pretty looking forward to the VIP200.
April 27th, 2013 at 6:49 pm
Interresting question, The answer is not as simple. The key is that we all wanted to beloved by everyone, but years after years we have to realize and admit, that it’s a impossible goal to reach. Getting older you’ll deal with the fact you cannot be loved and appreciate by all the people you meet, and you’ll become more and more the “real me”…
Fortunately or not, time reveal your real mind
April 28th, 2013 at 12:09 pm
hey guys, I don’t know how long ago I started to listen your podcast and yet this is your first blog I’ve read , nice.
I always think about this kind of stuff and sometimes I am myself but ST not , I don’t know maybe I forget it!! but I think if change my personality for someone or some places then I have to behave that way around them and it’s bother me, but I have a specific experience of date behave that when I was myself and said all I was thinking it got the feeling hurt her, and she repeated what exactly I said then I realized I’ve to lie to avoid facing this .
and another thing I like to share is I watched the friends TV show too many times and after a time I was living whit those guys it’s like they are my true friends and it helped me out to learn some kind ,, and about you guys I don’t know , after 2 or 3 podcast you are my friends I feel intimate with you and that’s how I recommended you to my friends and I hate those people who pretend . keep up the good work although I’ve not follow your work for long time.
April 29th, 2013 at 7:23 am
Maybe I am the oldest of all your listeners and I have a son who is more close to your age than me but only last two-tree years I became realise that I never been real myself and just now understood that. Even though it was sometimes useful to be “fake” but all benefits are too small in comparing with all regrets and hard feeling that I never been and never lived my own life. The worst thing is nobody never forced me to do that. Now every day step by step I try to change it. Even learning English was one of steps like doing something for myself only. BUT I have a good sense of humor and it always help me and since the first time I heard you guys I loved your stile and all you are doing. Do not repeat my mistakes, do what you like and how you feel it . I am sure you are smart and intelligent enough to see different between good and bad things. Sorry for my stile and mistakes it is my first experience of writting comments and thank you very much for all your work and especially for this topic
April 29th, 2013 at 7:54 am
I haven’t been VIP member of yours for a long time but I really didn’t come across anything that could possibly make me feel upset or uncomfortable with something. If there are some people who write you via email and keep complaining about some stuff you put on your website or had been said durring podcasts, they are certifiably stupid. You know you’re trying to provide some help to people who are anxious for english. And I love your podcasts I really enjoy listening to them, so as your accent is perfect since I love american english (I know you’re from Canada but I find it the same, at least it sounds the same to me). Anyway my point is that I’m listening to your podcasts for the sake of making my english better and not for judging you two guys, so if there are some no-sense humor people who had founded your podcasts insulting my advice to those jerks would be – Don’t give a shit about that! They are trying to do some help here and you should be listening to them for the reason of making yourself better at english. So if you come across anything insulting to you please just let it go and don’t take enthusiasm of these two guys away. They are doing great chunk of work here and that containts being of themselfs so don’t be splitting hairs. I’m kinda lazy to add anything else so I hope you got my point… Be yourself if you feel comfortable with yourself that’s the most important thing in the world don’t care about people who perceive you in a wrong way they are not worth of your effort. There are bunch of people on the internet that are just trolling you’ve probably found out yourself this fact.
April 29th, 2013 at 7:18 pm
when every body loves you, there’s definitely something wrong with you. live with integrity and dignity. just don’t try to dismantle your unique being into parts that are to be toyed with by others.
believe this:
someone once said: when I was 18, I was too concerned about what others think about me. when I became 40 I didn’t give a shit about what people think about me. Now I am approaching the final curtain and I am pretty sure no one never ever gave the tiniest thought about what I had been doin’ my whole life.
April 30th, 2013 at 4:16 am
i like our thoughs ,hope you keep on your real feeling here.
April 30th, 2013 at 6:33 am
Hey Andy and Add,
good job you guys! here’s what some psychologists would call “the midlife crisis” lol
Personally,I think it’s allright to question your deeds and thoughts (especially for someone who blogs as much as you do) on what’s real and what’s not. I don’t mind getting not the real you once in a while as long as it’s a good “play” – if you know what I mean. You’re like actors sometimes – well, I suppose most of the time, and you emphasise the issue a bit, you think of the best language to present the issue with, so why not act a little? It’ll only benefit us, your fans. And don’t get me wrong – I don’t think you should be fake, may be just alter a little for marketing reasons
You should always be interesting and excting to read – and nobody can produce masterpieces everyday, we know that. I say, go China232, you rock!
and good luck!
May 1st, 2013 at 4:13 pm
hi Add and Andy,
From my point of view, we will never really know our highest capacity if we did not try to be ourself. Part of the reasons why you guys are able to build this huge community is because of it. You guys attracted me to learn English here because of your ability to show how you guys care with us (that is yourself!)
Personally, I think that my purpose of life is to make people comfortable while they are around me, communicating with me, interacting with me, etc. If someone realizes that he/she has a negative habit that offends somebody, she/he has to be creative to change it on the other way. To be creative we need a strategy. That requires time to practice as same as learning a new language. In example, From my experience, I was a type of person who was moody and always put a bad face when I felt guilty, etc. Years ago, I realized that it was a bad habit. I changed my self and faked my smile when I started feeling miserable. The result is I FAKE it then I MAKE it. Thus, faking something positive is suggested..
Until today, I never want to make people feel uncomfortable with my mood. I can handle it very well (the bottom line is also because I took The Art of Living Course, which is another story. You can send me email if you are interested on it. A lot of people in China and around the world take that course, too. Maybe you have heard that. Just sharing though).
Cheers!:)
May 5th, 2013 at 4:56 am
You just confirmed my theory that no matter the nationality, all human beings have the same concerns. I always consider that being ourselves implies responsabilities. I can be myself as long as I make sure that self is the best I can be.
In your particular case I think you must be yourself but make sure that person is the best you can be and that you have great things to share with the ones who like your material.
THANKS FOR YOUR WONDERFUL JOB.
Keep it up!!!
Regards
Omar
May 8th, 2013 at 6:55 am
I think it’s healthy for improving one’s experience to deal with real people. We learn the langauge to use it in the real work. So being offensive to some people is healthy for all becuase it provokes argument and eventually enriches the language acquisition. Thanks for the great jobs guys.
May 8th, 2013 at 7:43 pm
hi guys.look we have a word in persian called( pofuzi) i myself always used it for a fake personality, acceptin yourself as you are without any shame is the biggest aim of any person on earth in my opinion.
May 11th, 2013 at 1:04 pm
just be yourself and be a man.
May 13th, 2013 at 12:26 am
Hi 232!
I’ve been busy lately and I missed you😊simply be yourself, for as long as you don’t offend somebody else’s feelings intentionally.. And if you do just say sorry.. We can’t please everybody anyway.
May 14th, 2013 at 7:25 am
Yes! I totally agree with the point “to be yourself”! Actually I don’t like to cater to someone in some occassions such as date,party or meeting.
If you go out with someone and you just say or act what may catch her or his eyes but all are not true about yourself. Then, the date may get succeed.But you have to hide the reality of yourself in front of her or his all the time. I can imagine how tired it will be.
So I’d like to keep to be myself and makethe life easy.
June 21st, 2013 at 8:44 pm
When I´m with my friends or just people I know I state my opinions but i really defend them because I now that people are different and have their own ideas, so I pretty much just speak my mind but don´t really care much about the opinions of others, I just listen and laugh off the topic if I desagree and if i agree I might actually keep on talking about it, what`s the point of making people mad or making myself mad when the whole point of hanging out with somebody is to have fun… at least that´s my opinion
greetings!
July 8th, 2013 at 10:50 am
I think, that ‘being yourself” thing is at least threefold.
1.How do you feel about expressing your “just-right-now’ self – emotions.
2.How do you feel about expressing your more or less constant self – feelings, belief system, principles.
3.Have you ever felt your “deep inside”, “real” you and how do you act about it – your real wishes and likes about yourself and world around, your wishes and likes in comparison with what you’ve actually got now, and your ways to deal with it.
I see, that most of the people yelling about being themselves mean p. 1 only. They need a right to name any person they don’t like a jerk or a stupid moron and that’s it. They think they for some reason have a right to behave in their worst and all the other people just have to accept it without any complaint.
But for me “being myself” is much more about p.p. 3 (mainly) and 2. If you know, e.g., that your biggest dream is to write songs, you do write songs and feel joy in your heart as you do things you really like, it can be a point of a minor importance not to release your momentary emotion: you consciously have much more quality fun. I’ve lucked to know some people, that do succeed to find their own way to work for living. They are not really easy to deal with. But the others tend to admit them as they feel that those people have goals, they’re happy, they’re genuine. The others feel that those lucky people have a right to be themselves.
I think if a person starts dealing with him or herself from deep inside (p. 3) and would do that honestly and sincere, then the person would feel comfortable about p.p. 2 & 1. P.p. 2 & 1 would be settled without any noticeable labor.
I myself don’t belong to that lucky category that found their own way in life, but I’ve got some guidelines to deal with everyday life not to feel, that I’m always trying to be someone else. It’s all about the work, cause in personal life I’m happy to have friends with whom I can act naturally. So, at work I always keep in mind, that I socially rent myself to do something for living. Keeping that in mind helps me to do my work in the best possible way, although I distinguish myself and my work emotionally. I try not to talk much with those colleagues I depend on and with those I don’t like; I try to keep friendly distance. I let my deeds (=the work being done) speak for myself. It saves me a lot of inner resources not to laugh out loud to silly jokes just for money or promotion or not to take part in gossips and to feel by the end of the day that I’m sort of bartering my soul for some kind of gain. And, of course, I try to spend my spare time doing things, that I really like and meeting people, that I really like. Sometimes it is even more important to spend some time by my own self. Just to be alone in silence, to black out inner dialogue, to avoid thinking at all. It’s some kind of meditation, that allows dealing with deep inner “me”. And if I was doing something wrong lately it helps me to feel it and to change the direction. It’s really useful and I recommend it to all, who would like to feel really “themselves”.
And finally some gurlie approach. I hate guys trying to be very socially acceptable: behaving way too polite, easily taking one opinion or the opposite, laughing out loud even if my joke is stupid and not funny at all. All that sucks. I like to see the guy’s personality, even if I wouldn’t like it very much, I would be grateful to him for being himself. I think no serious relationship is possible without it.
July 8th, 2013 at 11:24 am
I’d like to make an addition, as it turned out I hadn’t read all the comments prior I was typing mine.
I’m so glad to see, that Andy and Ad sound so reasonable in the question of being politically correct. I haven’t talked to American or Canadian people a lot, but from some American movies, interviews and TV-shows I saw that absurd, cut way of expressing opinions not to hurt some imaginary one (it seems like that imaginary one is the worst human enemy, all he or she is doing all the time is searching for any reason to declare him or herself insulted and to file lawsuit against somebody and that’s the way of that human enemy to destroy one human being after another until there isn’t any left).I was very surprised to learn, that you guys think in quite a different way that I thought all the Americans (and Canadians) would think!
I found Andy’s comment to ASAD just brilliant: it is smart, it is respectful and it is open-minded.
Thank you guys for sharing your personal opinions with us.
October 16th, 2014 at 6:30 pm
Being real yourself it is not as easy as it sounds. People tend to put different mask depending on environment they are currently in. People in my work expect some kind of behaviour from me (for sure not the ones that I deal every day with – they already know me quite good ; ) ) but still there are some situations and people not necessarily in work that makes me act and behave accordingly to let say general code of behaviour. For sure I would not call it being fake.
For me being yourself is acting the way you feel comfortable with. Even though I act and behave differently in work it does not make me feel uncomfortabel whatsoever. I try to being myself and not faking at all and expect it from other people – who want to deal with someone who is faking all the time ? The problem is if someone’s real behaviour offends other people, makes them feel uncomfortable. Things are getting worse if these people are not aware of the impact of their behaviour. So being yourself unfortunately does not always work, what I mean is I do not mind being yourself as long as it does not offend anyone. If you are this person it is advisable to start working on you personality ; ). It does not mean that I am afraid of saying my real opinion on different subjects, but sometimes I prefer not saying something especially when it comes to music or clothing taste becasue I know it is not that important. Being yourself for me is to act the way that defines the person you really are in terms of your outlook upon life, the way that will not make you regret doing things that you did the day before.