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There are many differences in the relationship between children and their parents in Western and Eastern cultures.

In my opinion, I’d say that generally speaking the western style of parenting is like this:

A parent’s dream is that their child will grow up to be independent, healthy, and happy. Some parents have dreams of their children becoming famous doctors, successful lawyers, or some other thing, but in our culture it is more important that a person choose their own life. Parents often say, “do whatever makes you happy”. Of course when a child is young, western parents look out for the child’s safety and don’t just simply allow the child to do anything. For example, a western parent wouldn’t allow their 8 year old child to stay out very late at night by himself. It’s too dangerous. As the child grows up, she gains more and more independence. Parents will give their advice but they usually won’t try to force you to do something. They might tell you they don’t really like your boyfriend or girlfriend, but they’d never say something like “you are not allowed to marry them”. It doesn’t make sense in our culture. Parents just want to give as much advice as possible to their children so that hopefully the child makes good decisions. Western parents usually encourage open discussion. They want to hear the kid’s ideas and opinions. They want to understand them. It’s ok to argue and debate ideas as long as the child isn’t being rude or disrespectful. It’s ok to say, “Dad, I think you are completely wrong about this and these are my reasons for thinking this way”. Then after hearing that the dad would probably try to explain why he thought his ideas made more sense. In the west, it is considered ridiculous for a parent to say something like, “I am your father. I have more experience than you so you should listen to me”. The mother or father should try to use logic and reason to try to convince their child what is correct.

When the child is still living at his parent’s house and is still depending on his parent’s for money, the parents still have some control over what the child does. For example, most parent’s wouldn’t allow their 18 year old kid to quit school and just stay at home watching tv. A common phrase in the west that parents say is “as long as you are living under my roof you will live by my rules”. In other words, the parents are still the boss until the child moves out of the house and pays for everything himself. When a child finally does move out of his parent’s house and becomes financially independent, we generally consider the child to be an adult. As an adult they can totally make their own decisions without their parent’s interference. My parents would probably be happier if I lived in Canada and closer to them, but they would never try to make me feel guilty for living in China. I’m encouraged to make my own decisions and create my own life. They are happy if they believe I am happy. They are comfortable that I can pay for myself and they don’t expect me to pay for them when they get older. On the other hand, I can’t ask them for money anymore either. If I really needed some they would give it to me, but it would be very embarrassing to ask and it would be disappointing for everyone if this happened. This would mean that I can’t take care of myself, which isn’t a good thing for a 28 year old.

My experience in China tells me that the situation here is quite different. My friends tell me that parents are becoming more open minded than before, but there are still some differences. I have several friends in their mid 20’s in Shanghai who have pressure from their parents to get married soon and have a baby soon. It seems to me that people here feel a lot of cultural pressure to follow their parent’s wishes. They feel that they need to give them money when the parents are old, even if the parents don’t need it. They feel they need to marry someone who their parents approve of. They often tell me that I am lucky because I don’t have to worry about these things. They tell me that they would like to have freedom to do whatever they want but they feel that they have no choice. They have a hard time having an open and fair discussion with their parents.

It also seems more common in the east that even the extended family can influence decisions. It’s not uncommon for me to hear of people’s aunts, uncles, or grandparents giving someone pressure. In the west, this is very very rare. I couldn’t imagine my aunt or uncle telling me what I should do. Since I am an adult now, it would be just as silly for me to tell my aunt and uncle what they should do. It just doesn’t happen. Since we are both adults, it doesn’t matter who is older. We are both independent and are considered equal.

I’d love to hear about where you are from and your relationship with your parents and your other relatives. Is this common in your culture? What would you do differently if you have children. What things do you like about the western parenting styles? What things do you like about the Eastern parenting styles? Is there anything else that you could share? Please share your stories and ideas on the discussion forum. This is your chance to practice your writing. You have no excuse so don’t be lazy. Don’t waste any time. Do it now!

Andrew

East West Cultural Differences

I’ve noticed that in China, friends treat each other differently than they do in the west. Each culture respects their friends but they have different ways of showing it. In the west, it seems to me that it is more important to say words like “please and thank you” even to our closest friends. I’ve noticed that in China, these words are said less between close friends.  In China it’s common for one person to pay for an entire dinner, and no one will directly say “thank you”. I’ve been told that if you are really close friends, you shouldn’t need to say these kind of formal words so often. I can understand that, but as a westerner, it still feels strange to me. I always say thank you in that situation and even smaller situations. Even if someone did a very small favor for me such as hand me a dish at the dinner table, I would still say “thanks”. We always say “thanks” in that situation. It feels strange to us to just take it without saying anything. If someone bought me something for less than $1 I would still thank them for it. I would say this to even my best friend. The word “thank you” is too formal, but a simple “thanks” is very much appreciated.

The word “please” is a little too formal between close friends for small favors, although if we ask for something we still try to do it in what we consider to be a polite way. We still ask for permission to do even small things. For example, let’s suppose I went to my best friend’s house and he had beer in the fridge. I know 100% sure that he will allow me to have one, but I would still ask him, “do you mind if I have a beer?” It would feel a little strange if I just went in the fridge and took a beer. I’ve been told by some close Chinese friends that they don’t ask for these things. They share everything and don’t talk about it. It seems natural in that culture to just take things without asking and give things without expecting to hear “thanks”.  In our culture we say please and thank you. It’s just a different culture i guess, but I think it’s important to understand both.

Please share your thoughts and experiences.

Andrew

East West Cultural Differences

Lately I’ve noticed another cultural difference that I thought I’d point out. This difference doesn’t bother me personally, but I’ve heard many people I know comment on it. This difference is regarding when and how to give other people your personal opinion. I think westerners are cautious when giving their opinions, if the opinion is negative. (Of course I am not talking about everyone, but just in general). The example comes about when I tell people about this website. I tell many people about it, both Chinese and western. The responses are quite different.

I’ve noticed that in general when I tell a westerner about this website, they say, “Oh that sounds like a good idea” or something very general. If they seem more interested they ask “How’s it going? Are you making money?” “How many people visit the site?” or “How much money was it to start?” If the person is very close to me, like a best friend or a family member, they will ask me many more questions and talk more about it. They might give me their negative opinions as well. I’m just talking about westerners who I don’t know very well, or I just met.

When I tell asian people I just met, they almost always give me their opinions, even without me asking them. It doesn’t bother me. I like it actually because it gives me ideas. Some people tell me they love the website. Some people tell me its ugly. Some people tell me it should be in other languages. Some say I should pay for advertising. Some say they believe it will be a big success. Some say they don’t think this will work because of some reason. I’ve heard hundreds of different things. I know that all of these people are trying to help me, so it doesn’t bother me. I’m used to it done this way. Its just an interesting cultural difference.

I’m sure that the westerners have many different opinions as well about the website. In my experience they seem to keep their opinions to themselves, and just ask questions. We have an expression called being a “know it all”. This is a person who always shares their opinions without anyone asking for them. In our culture this is generally seen as a bad thing. This is why we are very cautious when giving our opinions. I think that our culture says we should keep our opinions to ourselves unless someone asks us for them. Of course we don’t always do this, but I think that is what we believe we should do. If we really do have some advice for someone, we are very very sensitive about how to mention it. We often say something like, “I’m sure you know much more than me about this but I was thinking that maybe paying for advertising would be a good idea. What is your opinion about that?” We would think it is a little rude to just say, “I think you should pay for advertising. Well that’s my opinion” If someone just said that, we would feel that person thinks they really know a lot. This is especially true if you are commenting on something that you don’t really have a lot of personal experience with. If I asked a westerner who already made a very successful website, it is more likely that he or she would just give their opinion because its a topic they know about. We would see it as somewhat disrespectful if some person who doesn’t make websites just freely gave their opinions. We would wonder, “Why do they think they know more than me about this. They don’t even have any experience with this”.

So remember, I don’t really care and I love to hear comments about this website. I just want to say that in general, if you don’t want to upset anyone or sound like a “know it all” then you should be very careful before giving other people your opinions if they don’t ask for them. If you really want to share your opinion, then its better to ask a question. If you ask, “what do you think about paying for advertising?” you are showing that you respect them. This way still shows your opinion without acting like a “know it all”. A question like that is a much safer way to give your opinion. This is especially important to remember in a business environment.

Please share your thoughts. Ha ha. See, I asked for your opinions so feel free to share them.

Andy

Business English East West Cultural Differences

These last few days I could feel a cold coming on. You know the feeling. Right before you get sick you start to feel a little tired and your body just doesn’t feel right. Add has been sick this past week and I was afraid I might catch it. I decided to try something that I’d never tried before to keep me from getting sick. A hot toddy. A hot toddy is a hot drink that you are supposed to have before you go to sleep if you feel like you might catch a cold soon, or you already have a cold. I really liked it and I recommend that you try it the next time you are in this situation. Here is how to make the drink.

How to make a Hot Toddy

1. You squeeze some lemon juice into a glass.

2. Add a tablespoon of honey.

3. Add some boiling water and stir. Wait a minute or two for it to cool down a little.

4. Add a shot of whiskey into the glass.

5. Drink it.

Its easy and I personally think it tastes pretty good, although some people disagree. It should warm you up inside and help you to sleep. Hopefully in the morning you will feel better. This is a drink that has a long history. I’m not sure how common it is today but its the kind of thing I’m sure my grandma would still have. I think a lot of people today would just take medicine.

I’d like to know what kind of traditional things people in your country do when they have a cold. Here is a link on the discussion forum where we can talk about this:

Hot Toddy Discussion

I’ll try your recommendation the next time I get sick.

Andy

East West Cultural Differences

I think that university life is quite similar in many different western countries, but I went to school in Canada so I’ll be talking about that. I think in Western countries, many people view university as the first chance for a person to become independent. It’s the first time a student lives away from home, the first time they have to do their own laundry, the first time they have to solve problems on their own. Of course we understand that the student must study hard as well, but we view studying as just one of the many parts of going away to university. Becoming intelligent, mature, independent, and responsible is a very important part of going away to school. Most parents try not to interfere too much with their child’s personal lives. The society sees these young students as young adults and gives them the chance to make their own decisions. Many people I’ve met in China find it surprising when I tell them that the dormitories are co-ed, which means that boys and girls live together. Some people tell me that it is the west being much more “open” to this sort of idea. I personally think that since we view the students as adults, we need to allow them to make their own adult decisions. Many parents don’t really like the idea of their son or daughter staying at their boyfriend or girlfriend’s house over night, but they see it as all a big part of growing up. They realize that it is not a good idea to control them. Western thinking is that it is ok to make mistakes as long as you learn from them. We value independence a lot.

Socializing, meeting new people, going to parties, participating in different clubs or activities, and playing sports, are all important parts of university life. Students learn to balance work, rest, and play. With that said, there are many different types of students who have all kinds of different lifestyles. Some people study really hard, go to all their classes, and keep to themselves. Some people go drinking all the time, stay up late every night, and then sleep in and miss most of their classes. Some people are seen at the gym playing basketball and exercising a lot. Some people seem to hang out all day in their dorms, socializing and playing video games with their friends. Most people do a variety of these things.

We have no such thing as a “headmaster”. If you miss all your classes, no one will say anything. No one will call your parents if you are out late drinking at the bars everyday. You are free to make your own good or bad decisions. You are encouraged to try new things, meet new people, and learn as much as you can about life. It is not seen as a good thing to stay in your room studying all day. Most people value a balanced life with studying, friends, maybe a boyfriend or girlfriend, hobbies and activities. If you apply to graduate school after your four-year degree, they will even ask you about your hobbies and interests. They also want a complete and “well-rounded” person, and not just a book-worm.

Please share your thoughts on our discussion forum.

Andrew

East West Cultural Differences

(This could be written about any country, but I write about China because its the country I’m living in now)

A lot of Chinese students tell me they would like to make some western friends to practice their English and to learn the culture. I think many of these people are finding it hard to meet new good western friends and they aren’t really sure why. Several people told me that their teacher suggested walking up to foreigners that they see on the street or in the subway, and just starting up a conversation. I have people come up to me all the time and ask me where I’m from, how long I’ve been here, and what I do in Shanghai. Some people even ask why I came to China or if I’m used to the food. I’d really like to share my opinions on this and I’m sure most foreigners would agree.

First of all, try to think of things from my point of view. I get asked these same questions all the time and its really quite boring and annoying to keep answering them. I’m not angry. I know that the people are trying to be very nice and friendly. The problem is just that the questions are a little boring and don’t make sense to ask a stranger. Nobody likes to feel that the only reason someone else is talking to you is because you are from a different country, or they want to practice their English. I like helping people with their English. Its a big reason why I make this free website. I just don’t like the feeling that I am in a conversation just because the other person wants to practice their English. Sometimes in a very short time these people will ask me if I would like to “make a friend” with them. I really don’t know what to say. I hate being rude, but the truth is that I really don’t want to “make a friend”. My friends are people who I like, have fun with, share some of the same interests with, and learn from. None of them are people who “just wanted a friend”.

Here is another thing that people need to understand. Being kind and friendly is not enough to make a friend. I know there are millions of very nice people here who I don’t want to become close friends with. Of course I can talk to them and be nice, but I still won’t want to become close friends. All of my friends are people who I can laugh with and people who I can communicate with. Nice but boring is not enough. We must interest each other. Otherwise we wouldn’t become friends.

If you want to make western friends, you need to find westerners who share some of your interests and ideas. You can find them in the places that hold these activities. For example, if you are really serious about working out you might be able to find some friends with similar interests at the gym. You can also find people in your city in different social networking websites. You can read their profiles online and see if they seem like someone who has similar interests.

If you don’t have any interests or activities you like to do then you should get some. This is not only to make friends with westerners but its just a good idea anyway. I’ve read many profiles of people online who say their hobbies are sleeping and watching TV. I always smile and laugh when I read this. I’m sure you can imagine that it doesn’t make me think I’d like to be friends with them.

I respect Chinese culture a lot, but none of my friends would be considered “traditional Chinese” people. I am just too different for them. We are always friendly too each other but we usually don’t become close friends. I like to be with people who love trying new things, thinking about new things, and talking about any topic in detail. I’m quite open this way. I’ve grown up this way for all my life and its what makes me happy and comfortable. I get bored easily.

I think the point to remember is that you should find western friends the same way you make friends with people in your own country. Don’t try to make friends because they are westerners but rather because they are people you are interested in and enjoy being with. That is the only way you will make real friends. Its perfectly ok to be very traditional and you might find some western people to become close friends with. I just want to say that the Chinese people I see with the most western friends are the ones who are the most adventurous and the people who seem to be the most comfortable in any kind of conversation. If you get more interested in trying new things you would probably have an easier time making more western friends. If you don’t want to do that, that’s fine too, it just might make it a little more difficult to find close western friends.

Your comments are very appreciated.

Andrew

East West Cultural Differences

I believe that one of the most important differences between people of different cultures is the topics they discuss and the way that they talk about these topics. I really notice this difference living in China. The language is obviously different but what is said is often even more different. I notice that this influence is even changing the way that I think and do things. I find that jobs, making money, dressing well, foreigners, traveling, and family are discussed a lot here. These topics aren’t really based on Chinese culture, but are common topics in modern Shanghai. Here is a place where social status counts a lot. A lot of the conversations that I hear are about getting ahead in life. Making more money, buying a nice apartment, going on a nice holiday, eating in an expensive restaurant, and getting nice clothes. A lot of this is because it is a huge city. Huge cities are fast paced and very competitive. I’ve never lived in a huge city before so its a little difficult for me to compare. My guess is that it is even more extreme here than in the west. This has definitely affected me because I am now thinking a lot more about earning more money. I am also paying a lot more attention to how I dress. I used to never care about what I wore but I think about it a lot more now.

In Canada, and a lot of Western countries, people talk about what they will do on the weekend, sports, movies, news, and any jokes they have with their friends. When they have kids they often talk about their kids. People don’t talk as much about how to make more money. A lot of Westerners (not all) are satisfied with their job and try not to think about it too much when they are not working. They think a lot about how to relax and enjoy their lives. There are so many different kinds of people who talk about all different kinds of things, but these are just some general differences that I notice. I really notice it a lot when I go back to Canada to visit because I feel different from the people living there. I have a lot of western friends here, but we have all changed because of living here. A friend of mine had his brother visit the other day. It was great having him here but it took a little while to get used to how different we’d become. The topics we talk about and think about really made us feel like strangers.

I’d love to hear your thoughts

Andrew

East West Cultural Differences

Obviously everyone is different and it is sometimes hard to talk about cultural differences because they aren’t true in all cases. I have, however, noticed that in general people from different cultures are more sensitive about certain different topics.

Many people talk about Westerners being more direct than people from Eastern cultures. Westerners are known for speaking what is on their mind. I personally don’t think this description is very accurate and I think that it totally depends on the topic. Westerners generally are very careful about commenting on other people’s physical appearance. We usually won’t tell someone they are fat, ugly, or poorly dressed. Even if we think someone is too fat or unattractive, we often lie about it. Even if someone asks us directly we will still often lie. If we do tell the truth we will try to be really sensitive about it and make some excuse. In China, many people comment on my appearance all the time. This happens to my friends too. I have one friend that girls always say is “really handsome, but he would be even more handsome if he loses some weight”. Sometimes people tell me that I am a little too fat, or they tell me they don’t like my clothes. In Canada, no one would ever say that. They might think it but they keep it inside.

I also notice that people here ask me the question, “What do people in your country think about…..?” This question is very strange to me. It is a big cultural difference. When I answer that question I always say, “I don’t really know what most Canadians think, but I think…..”. We think of ourselves as individuals and we usually answer questions in terms of ourselves. In China, people often tell me, “Chinese people believe…..”. That kind of sentence is a big cultural difference that I notice. Because of this difference it seems that people from Western countries are more sensitive about comments about themselves and less sensitive about comments about their country or culture. For example, if someone told me many things about Canada that they don’t like, it wouldn’t bother me very much. I might agree with them, I might not. The point is that it wouldn’t make me feel bad. If someone told me something bad about me personally it would bother me much more. If they told me I was fat, ugly, or boring, I would feel much worse than if they told me they didn’t like Canada. My feeling is that it is reversed in Eastern countries.

I think it is important that we remember these differences when we talk to each other to avoid hurting other people’s feelings. On the other hand, I think it’s also important that we all try to toughen up and learn how to talk about all kinds of topics.

Please share your thoughts.

Andrew

East West Cultural Differences

A lot of people all over Asia are very interested in getting a good job at a Western company. There is a lot of competition to get good jobs at these companies. Unfortunately for many people, they have no idea what is important in getting these kinds of jobs. I live in Shanghai and hear people talking about this all the time. They are so worried about their educational credits like passing CET or other well-known English tests. They are concerned that the university they went to isn’t good enough. Education and tests might be important for many of these jobs, especially if you are just sending in a resume. However, there are many other things that may be even more important that are often overlooked. For example, when a westerner chooses a suitable person for a job, they are looking for someone they can trust, who they can communicate with without major problems, a person they believe is capable of learning new things, and a person who is capable of dealing with things and thinking about things in a Western way. When they interview or talk to a person, they are already judging what kind of person they are, how good their English level is, and if they think you can understand their way of thinking. For example, when I talk to someone, I will automatically evaluate their English level and communication skill. I really don’t care what tests you have or haven’t passed. I know what your English level is from talking to you. It doesn’t matter what tests you say you have. I also will evaluate how capable I think you would be working in a western environment based on our conversation, not based on which university you went to or anything else.

Building trust is a hugely important thing, especially when dealing with different cultures. The boss needs to trust his or her employees. There are so many differences in Western and Eastern cultures. In Western culture, it’s extremely important to admit your mistakes. It’s normal to make some mistakes when you are working. The boss wants to see that you will learn from the mistake and won’t make it again in the future. If you don’t admit the mistake, or make excuses, the boss will see you as a liar, or a person who doesn’t understand why it was a mistake. They will be afraid you will hide other things or make the same mistake in the future. You must apologize for your mistakes and work on correcting them. Making a mistake is not a big deal. On the other hand, hiding a mistake is a huge deal.

I come across this all time in my daily life in China. Yesterday I went to buy a DVD. I called the store first to see if they had the DVD and they said they did. Then when I got there they didn’t have it. The woman in the store wasn’t the person I spoke with on the phone so she didn’t really know what happened. I told her my story about calling for the DVD and how the person said they had it. She told me “impossible”. She said that maybe I didn’t speak clearly on the phone. Or maybe I didn’t say the name of the movie clearly. This is interesting because of course she doesn’t know the truth. She wasn’t on the phone with me. She was only guessing. I am 100% sure that I said the name of the movie clearly. I think that the person on the phone didn’t really check to see if they had it and just thought they did. Basically this woman tried to make me feel that it was my mistake and not the mistake of the store. In western culture, this woman should have apologized to me on behalf of the store. She should have said something like, “Oh, I’m so sorry you had to come all the way down here for this. Please give me your phone number and I’ll call you as soon as the movie comes in. I’ll make sure this won’t happen again. Again, I’m really sorry about this.” Instead, the woman tried to make me feel it was my fault. This made me even angrier than them not having the movie. I would have been ok with an apology. Instead I decided I would never go to that store again. This is the way of thinking of Western culture in this situation.

I’ll try to think of some more examples and situations for how Westerners think and would handle a situation. The better you are at understanding this, the more job opportunities you will have.
Please share your comments.

Andrew

Business English East West Cultural Differences